I don’t really do this

So blogging is still a thing? I attempted blogging many years before and I really couldn’t get into it. I’m trying again because my therapist thinks I should write down my feelings. Maybe here I can share the feelings I have without the people in my lives thinking I’m attacking them directly. It seems I have 2 modes, doormat and psychopath. I let people push me until I eventually snap and everyone thinks I’m being mean and overreacting about something so small that it shouldn’t be such a big deal. So here I am. I’m going to try and do this for my own sake. If you stumble across this page and you know me, just know that it’s not about you, it’s about my perception in the moment. If you are a big nasty b**ch in my blog, it doesn’t mean I think you are, it just means that today, I am releasing my emotions and today, you are my villain. I have lots of villains in my head and they project and manifest in my brain as the people around me. This blog will go in many directions and tangents. As of today, I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar II, Histrionic Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Mixed Moods, Borderline Personality Disorder, and a couple more I can’t remember. On top of that, I am in physical pain. I slipped a disc when I was 20 (45 now), I have degenerative disc disease, sacroiliac hip dysfunction, and a torn meniscus in my right knee. I suffer from all over joint pain and tenderness on the surface of my skin that as of today has not been diagnosed. I take anywhere from 12-15 pills a day for all of my ailments combined. I was a single mom for a majority of my life and now, I’m still single and still a mom, but they are all grown up and amazing adults. I am proud of them, and myself, for how they have turned out. I can’t help but surround myself with animals because I love so hard and I feel like I have to rescue them all. I guess this is all for today. If I continue this, there will be trigger warnings on future posts.